heffalump.

what a spring break. this week has been the most stressful week that i have ever experienced in my life. i don't want to get into details because it's a bit tooooo personal, but i have to say that i am extremely blessed to have such an amazingly understanding support system.

my parents have been so supportive and empathetic and i am so lucky to have such wonderful parental units. my brother is the bomb. my bestest friends (gail vaness rox and baba) have super moist shoulders from my breakdowns and are okay with it and my wonderful sean... i'm so thankful that i found him, rather... i'm so thankful he looked for me.

he is my everything. i love him so much... he's such a good man, a patient and genuinely sincere, loyal man. it makes me so emotional thinking about him, because i've never been so confidant and reassured with a person of the opposite sex. i don't know why i wasted my time and heart for these other fuckies from my past. it angers me so much that i was so dumb to even give them a chance. i guess my desperation and insecurities got the best of me.

enough about my stupid past...that i can kick to a different macrocosm. here are some pixies from the beautiful getty museum in los angeles. sean took me there to get my head out of my worrisome state of mind, and it worked. i had a blast with the love of my life.



















gahhh...

i'm a new soul i came to this strange world hoping i could learn a bit 'bout how to give and take

ah...

songs really allow me to find inspiration.

listen to New Soul by Yael Naim.

she's freaking unbelievable.

anywho...sorry i haven't been keeping up with the blogging. life's been intense and boring at the same time, substantiating it's contradiction. gahh! i feel like i'm a bit bipolar, when i'm happy...it's complete euphoria, i feel like i'm running through a sunflower field without a care in the world. when i'm sad though, i'm a totally different person, picking fights and testing the patience of those who mean most to me. for example, that fight that i had with my brother (which i explained before is a total rarity) was unnecessary. i didn't need to blow up like i did.

i mean, i can't complain much, i have a better life than a lot of people out there, actually, i have an amazing life.

besides that, i had a very awkward encounter with a nemesis...

also known as a frenemy

frenemy (freh-neh-me)-noun

The type of "friend" whose words or actions bring you down.(whether you realize it as intentional or not) The type of friend you ought to cut off but don't cuz...they're nice... good ...you've had good times with them. U know...they're good people that you can count on to bring you down again sometime in the near future.The friend you may or may not have cornered about their quicksand like ways and keep around because "its in the past"...and so was one minute ago. The person that will continue to bring you down until you demand better for yourself.

When you ask yourself is that person my friend or enemy...they are your frenemy. Straighten em out or leave them.Don't put up with it.

-Urban Dictionary.com

i'm a very civil person, even if i don't like you, i'm not entirely pleasant, but not disrespectful. to make a long story short, i took this female under my wing, being younger and lost, i decided to make her my new project for life improvement. it was all well and good until i realized that this girl was psychotic, an imitator with no form of originality whatsoever. she took imitation to a completely different level, it became obsession and borderline sociopathic. i just assumed it was flattery, because she copied everything, from the way i laughed (i snort when i laugh too hard) my style, my one-liners, even facial expressions. it just went farther into a deeper depth when she crossed the line of questionable tactics, like when she would stop by my house unannounced and be having dinner and conversations with my parents, referring to them as mom, dad, nay, and tibo ( a family only nickname), lying down next to my father in a mini skirt in my parent's bed while my mother watched, appalled. she befriended all of my friends, adding a little oomph of sexuality to keep them constantly intrigued by her presence all the while instilling my personality into her facade. it was like she was so unhappy with her own existence that she had to take mine, putting me in the back burner of my own life. even with our misunderstandings, i still wished for her success and happiness in life, sacrificing a friendship that turned sour almost instantaneously.

oh frenemies... you can't live with them

HELL, YOU CAN'T LIVE WITH THEM!

oh, i got a new haircut. it's the Pob (the posh/bob).

time for self love!

scared for my life

eekk...

i vow to make myself into a better

-person
-student
-daughter
-sister
-friend
-girlfriend
-fashionista
-writer

i deserve it mayn. got some good news and bad news, a vamp new haircut (from my buddy Ruth, who is an amazingly talented hair expert), and a completely different outlook on life. i am tired of being an adolescent, stubborn, idiot...not impressing anyone or myself with my lack of successes and nobility.

and another thing...

i am SO freakin hooked on House M.D. seriously though, this show is ridiculously addictive, it is my primetime nicotine, my media love, my... well, you get the point. i've watched almost all of the episodes on SideReel.comi am currently on season 3: episode 10.
ahhh... greg laurie, his intelligence and arrogance in this show is so arousing. plus dr. chase's sexy australian accent makes me want to jump him in an MRI chamber.

now i have to go to starbucks and get amped on caffeine to ace this 6 page paper that i need to write by tomorrow and a three page philosophy paper by thursday.

does anyone have the same angst for school like i do? i just want to work and write and chill and stress about work enough to get weekly trivial indulgences like massages and manicures as well as unexplained shopping impulse satisfaction.

update on my gramma...

she's doing great. i stayed home for the weekend and the monday instead of going to back to the hellhole called riverside to keep an eye on her. i can't wait to hug her and kiss her wrinkly cheek in appreciation of her life.

i'm off to caffeine land. adios! xoxo